When life is LIFE-ing
Sometimes you have Emergency Room vending machine snacks for dinner…
A week ago, I launched my new website. It's amazing and I'm obsessed with it! And I had plans to promote some of the exciting goodies on my website:
And then life happened.
My partner broke his leg. What we thought would be a few hours getting images at urgent care and returning home turned into a whirlwind week navigating ER, multiple hospitals, late-night ambulance transfers, tests, unplanned hospital and hotel stays, surgery, medications, and not a lot of sleep.
I'm grateful to live near some of the best hospitals in the world, especially when it comes to orthopedic surgeries. But the surprise Grey's Anatomy episode that has been our life for a week sent my nervous system for a loop!
Plans were put on hold. Work could wait. What was the most important thing in moment? We had to make decisions with the information we had, one hour at a time.
In these stressful situations, I notice I react two different ways:
I either get so overwhelmed I shut down. My body needs processing time. The body needs what it needs, and that's ok.
Or, I get into anticipatory anxiety mode - trying to anticipate every potential need, in this case, to ensure my partner's comfort and prepare for it, relying on my imagination for what could be a future state. This can be both helpful and unhelpful.
I didn't need to anticipate my partner's every need because I didn't know what this [while waving hands in the air] would be like. I didn't have all the information. I had to keep reminding myself to take every decision as it comes and what makes sense in the moment.
I share this because we often overprepare with little benefit. I'm learning that about myself so I can roll with punches when life gets stressful. That's what self-compassion looks like, and letting go of that frantic energy is more helpful to both me and my partner, who is grateful for my concern and care but feels my energy (and he doesn't need to absorb more stress in this situation!).
I'm happy to report we are both back home and settling into a new norm during his post-op recovery. We’re learning about ourselves and growing through the process, which keeps both of us grounded and well-tended. I’m accepting help from others who are kindly offering it because I don’t need to do anything alone. I’m grateful for our community.
I’m also reflecting on the fact that disabilities spur innovation. I already knew this to be true - curb ramps, audiobooks, text messages are all a part of mainstream life now, but all started as assistive tech/designs for people with disabilities.
So much of how we design the spaces we live, work, and patronize is not accessible. But now at home and trying to adapt to life with my partner’s new mobility disability - though temporary - we are making accommodations and adjusting, adding accessories to his life to help him carry things, shower, and sit comfortably at his desk, etc. So many things are often taken for granted until you are disabled and then you realize, “this wasn’t designed with my needs in mind.”
And this is so common we end up in workplaces and careers that don’t fit us, often because our needs change. If you want to learn more about my philosophies about work, careers, life decisions, and disability justice, I invite you to check out my blog, download one of my resources, and join my email list to get my sporadic inspo in your inbox.
Sometimes you have Emergency Room vending machine snacks for dinner
Lots of time to reflect in the hospital waiting through my partner’s surgery
Lacy our cat is happy to have us back home for snuggles. She has magically healing purrs.
